Sunday, July 09, 2006

To Jim Shooter!

Countrymen, I return from exile momentarily to issue a missive: Raise your scotch glasses in honor of Jim Shooter, goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus and the finest son of a bitch of the twentieth century.

Jim Shooter is twice as likely as Tom DeFalco to dropkick you.

His arch-enemies are Joseph Stalin and the Wolfman.

Jim Shooter can devour an entire African elephant and still have room for seconds.

The character of Popeye was loosely based on Jim Shooter.

While confined in a North Korean POW camp, Shooter came into possession of an enemy soldier's bayonet, which he subsequently used to kill every single armed combatant in the camp. Since escaping, Shooter has kept the blade on his person at all times. A popular myth amongst superstitious hobos tells that the bayonet possesses demonic bloodlust which must be quenched periodically, lest its owner succumb to demonic possesssion. Shooter chooses to indulge the blade's evil intentions only with the blood of the wicked.

To Jim Shooter!


At 8:41 AM, Blogger Blockade Boy said...

Tom DeFalco was actually a wart on Jim Shooter's ball sack that he willed into human form!

To Jim Shooter!


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